Thinking Things
by seedyapartment
Summary: Written for 'The Day After Tomorrow' challenge on LiveJournal, Ryan and Seth wait for the end. Slash.


A/N- I wrote this a while back for a fic Challenge on in which you had to make your characters be in the same sort of situation as the ones in the movie 'The day after tomorrow'. This is what I wrote. I love feedback.  
  
"Don't think that you can get away with thinking things like that, mister."  
  
Ryan glanced up, features scrunched up into utter confusion at Seth's sudden command. He was confused; but absolutely not surprised, as Seth periodically blurted random assertions. He had been learning, and getting far too much practice with it, but he found that now he could usually follow. This time; however, either his mind had been elsewhere, or he was just out of the loop, because Seth was looking at him with a forced smile, trying to tease, but his eyes we're full of desperation. Such clingy desperation that Ryan wished he had an answer for him.  
  
"I'm...thinking things like what, Seth?" Ryan asked, slinging his arm protectively around the smaller man's shoulders. Seth sat up, shrugged off his arm, trying to make a point. He was wearing his solemn 'trying to make a point' face, but today, Ryan noted, it wasn't having the desired affect, because Seth was exuding something that Ryan couldn't describe; but must have been the opposite of confidence.  
  
"You're...you're thinking that something like this was bound to happen to you. Sooner or later, you think that it was inevitable. Well it wasn't. The world doesn't hate you. It's...It was just...bad luck." Seth faltered, near the end. Trying to figure out how to say exactly what he wanted to say. Didn't know how to say it.  
  
Ryan's head snapped up in surprise, and he saw Seth draw back slightly. He let his features relax and gathered Seth close to him again, but didn't say anything.  
  
It hurt too much; he didn't want Seth to know how he felt, because it would make Seth feel worse. And Seth was everything to him now. Not because everyone else he loved was...gone, Ryan choked on the thought, they were gone...not because they were all gone, and Seth was the only one left. But because Seth was everything to him even when he was surrounded with others. So he'd die before he'd let Seth know that he felt...  
  
After a few moments, long silences that had the two clinging to each other, Ryan's strong arms encircling Seth, he said something.  
  
"Let's look on the bright side, man. At least you got out of Orange County...you always wanted to see more of the world." Ryan tried to joke. He would give a lot of things right then to see Seth's smile; to hear his sarcastic tone and to see the way his dimples played lightly across his face.  
  
Seth was not smiling, though, he was biting his lip, and tears were creeping into the corners of his eyes. Damn, this was not the reaction Ryan wanted.  
  
"And..." he said bitterly, fighting to hang on to his anger, using it to overpower the fear, "this is about as good as I'm gonna get. This rundown, beaten up concrete...whatever it is." Ryan swallowed his grief as he heard Seth spit the words, and shushed him.  
  
"Don't you dare fucking say that, man. We're gonna go places, me and you, when this is over...we're gonna go to...Tahiti..." and Ryan trailed off at the end, because Seth wasn't buying it; he wasn't stupid. This was it; the end.  
  
"There's no after. No 'when this is over'." Seth said softly, as if realizing it, and fully accepting it. Ryan blinked back his tears and nodded.  
  
"No future..."  
  
"I can't really decide if you sounded more like Johnny Rotten, or a really bad comic book narrator just then, Ryan."  
  
Ryan glanced up; and there was that smile. Those dimples, that sarcasm, that absolute genius of musical and emo snobbery...  
  
And he couldn't take it anymore. Tears spilled down Ryan's cheeks, and he clutched at Seth hard. He wasn't going to have this anymore; he wouldn't hear Seth say these things anymore; these snippets that made no sense to Ryan, but all the sense in the world to Seth.  
  
Seth pressed his forehead to Ryan's, and softly kissed his cheek; he could taste the salty sweet tears that reminded him of his boat, his ocean and his home.  
  
"Seth...I don't think that." Ryan said finally, desperately trying to compose himself. Seth smiled weakly, pulling away.  
  
"That what...that this is the end? Because you don't have to try and comfort me, Atwood. This is the end, buddy, I know it, you know it...those people running around outside, fleeing like Godzilla was at their tails, know it too..." Ryan was shaking his head though, so he heard Seth slow down and stop.  
  
"No...I don't think that...that something like this was bound to happen to me. I didn't think that the world hated me. Because you...and Sandy and Kirsten. And everyone, you were there, and you...you made me realize that the world doesn't hate me, and that I could...I could be happy..." And Ryan knew he didn't have to tell Seth how much this was killing him now, now that the whole world was quite literally crashing down at their feet, knowing that what he could have had was now being ripped from him.  
  
And Seth did realize, and didn't know what to say. He grabbed a hold of Ryan again, and held him tight.  
  
They sat, side by side. Ryan noted that it was quiet; and it shouldn't be quiet.  
  
Seth's black Converse sneakers squeaked loudly on the cold, cement floor whenever he shifted. There was a drip coming from somewhere; but Ryan didn't care where. How could it be quiet when outside, the whole world was raging? No one should be able to pick out the sound of a tree being wrenched from the ground; but there it was, and Ryan could recognize it.  
  
He drew a shaky, unconfident breath, and couldn't think of a better thing to do with his last few minutes, or hours, or days, as he clung tightly to Seth.  
  



End file.
